My baby, mama loves you

26th August, 2016 – That big day finally arrived. My little one was born, tiny and cute, with tiny everything.. lips, fingers, eyes, and feet. It was an emotional moment. I shed tears when I heard the baby’s cry and the doctor pronounced the birth. “It’s a girl,” the doctor said, “Congratulations,” he added. I was sure the doctor noticed I was crying as my tummy was shaking.

The days that came after that were quite rough, I’d say. The reality couldn’t be closer to most things that people say, from “love at first sight”, “her smile will heal you from all tiredness”, to “pumping breast milk till the fridge is full”. I didn’t feel that attachment to my baby right away. I felt in pain, tired, and hopeless, and that nobody cared about me. Worst, no milk came out. What a mom I am without milk, right?

Before my delivery, a couple friends have reminded me, “Just don’t cry in the first two weeks.” Actually, I cried every single day for the whole two months. I was under much pressure from myself and my husband’s family, and not having anybody to whom to talk about my thoughts. I missed my husband every hour and every day, but he wasn’t around. In the evening when he came home, I had to look after the baby while he cleaned himself up and went straight to bed right afterwards. I felt terrible as the feeling of ending my life appeared regularly, although I know I shouldn’t because Jesus wouldn’t want me to do that. That period of time was finally over. I’ll make sure that won’t happen again when I’m having my future children.

I believe the saying “Welcome to your new chapter of life” for marriages is misplaced. It is more appropriate for welcoming a baby. A baby will change your life — completely. Why? These are some reasons:

• I have to be a morning person even though I am not
• There’s almost no way to get some sleep during the day. Rest for 5 mins, and the baby cries..
• There’s very few “me” time. Sometimes I let me nails grow longer.. just because I haven’t found the time to cut them. I haven’t put on body lotion for weeks, because for every extra minute or hour, I’d rather use it to catch some sleep. Even taking that already ‘rushed’ shower in the morning might be interrupted with the baby’s cries.
• No more dining out and watching the movie, something that my husband and I used to do regularly. Even going for groceries was challenging. I didn’t want to bother cooking for a while, because I was so lethargic.
• I had to ignore my friends for a while. We used to have a couple friends came over for lunch or dinner, and chat. But with the baby, I couldn’t focus in listening to their stories.

Yes, I used to feel stuck at home, feeling very blue. But with my husband’s support, and my mom’s and sister’s love, I was able to go through that rough period of my life. I am sure I will fall in love with my baby more and more each day, and that she’ll eventually grow to love the one she calls, “Mom”.

This is my baby, Elysia Kayla, at 2.5 months in the picture ^_^