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To move or not to move

December 12, 2016

Recently, my husband and I have been battling over a decision of our life–to move or not to move to Jakarta. This is not the kind of easy decision I’d make when I was single and free and thinking about myself. In the past, I’d just go if it was what I wanted. Now with a family, there are more than just the 3 of us (my husband, Elysia, and me). There are extended families, each of whose members make a say to what we should or should not do. Aargh, the married life!

When I returned home for good from the USA, my father pleaded with me to stay in Surabaya. After all, I was–and still am–his only child who is in Indonesia. My only sister lives in the USA. When I was about to get married, my husband-to-be made a promise that we’d stay in Surabaya. So things were good, until right after the wedding.

Then my husband got the offer to work in Jakarta. Everything changed. Everything. I wonder if that was the beginning of what’s called the difference between courtship and married life. During courtship, we say the good things, what the other person like, but after married, we forget all that we ever said. Maybe this is just the flow of life. It doesn’t always go the way we want it, and we should just ride the ride.

Long story short, a year and a half from our marriage, my husband got another offer to work in Jakarta. This time it is a permanent move. He’d say that what’s holding him is his self-confidence. He doubts he can fulfill the responsibilities the new job asks of him, and gain the success the company looks for from him. But for me, what’s holding him is me and my family. I mind moving to Jakarta, mostly because of the work and travel time that’ll consume our time each day and being far from my parents. My parents prefer us not to move to Jakarta–though they wouldn’t say so–because we are their only children around, their only hope when they are sick, in need of assistance, and their company (especially during the weekend). Now, we also have their first and only grandchild. It is totally not unreasonable for them to hold on to us.

On the other hand, I can’t care less about what my father wants. Throughout my life, he always asks me to do what he wants, disregarding what I want. Maybe he is selfish, maybe it is me who is selfish. Each one of us is quite selfish in some ways, that is human nature. But really, all I want is to be myself, to find my ways, and be proud of who I am. Right now, I am not, and I keep looking for that place where I belong. Would moving to Jakarta help me in doing that?

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